i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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