I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
