well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize