You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
God I need to hump something, right now.
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