I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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