he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
