Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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