Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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