Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
