too bad you live with your parents still
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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