You're completely useless in the revolution.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
