JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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