Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
