I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize