my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
A+ Viking dick
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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