I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
