Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
