You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
