A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
