You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
