So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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