you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
