We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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