I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
