chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
