For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
