Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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