Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
