why didn't you poke me back
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
