What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
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There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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