Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
