I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
