just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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