It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
