i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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