We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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