She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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