If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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