You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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