She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
