so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize