Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
