i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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