my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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