i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
