I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
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they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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