all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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