I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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