i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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