people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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