Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
