Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
