You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
