im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
