dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
not ubering you a puppy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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