oh god the rape fog is back!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
