can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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