I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
