I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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