His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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