Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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