i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
