No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
