apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
