when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
