I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
