Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
