Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just found puke in my bra..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I pour the whiskey from now on
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
